Use Your Brain for Better Sex

Three reasons why everyone having sex should read about sex

By Vivienne Arkell

Does this situation sound familiar? Sexy, smart, loyal woman/man ends up in a LTR where sex is put on the back burner. So far back that hugs and a kiss on the head are called sex and everyone says, “Just be happy together because life changes, interests change and you love each other deeply.”

Some couples are still having great sex, but why do so many ignore or denounce further growth? Does the notion of working on intimacy really elude them altogether? Why do we have such pervasive discomfort with sexuality? Why do 99% of my friends and acquaintances say they don’t need to continue learning? Only to admit when buzzed that their libido really has taken a dive after reaching fifty, they are envious of my hot sex life or wish they knew how to YXZ better.

Those of you who have clicked on free access and read the best of articles from The Sensualogist understand or have at least been exposed to my MO. After my sexual awakening with Gary, my main mission (besides still creating beautiful environments for clients) was to renew faith in my body and refresh my sensuality and sex life. Only then did I realize that great sex was not God-given. It takes work. Here’s why:

  1. You won’t know what you’re missing till you have that great meal. Growing up, all the way through my 19th birthday, my favorite meal was McDonald’s. My parents got away so cheaply because on my special day that’s what I wanted. I also thought sex meant a cute guy copping a feel for a few minutes before putting it in and humping rapidly for almost a minute. Do you feel what I am saying here? You only know as much as you have experienced. My first dinner in Italy, when I was twenty four, turned me into a mushroom and prosciutto snob. And my first great sexual experience happened at forty. Read The Sensualogist’s encounters and spicy erotica. Try some new ingredients and embrace physical pleasures.
  2. You won’t really know how great it is until you get there. All your friends are ranting about their trip to Venice or the Caribbean. You think Florida beaches are good enough and you’ve seen Venice in James Bond movies and the Madonna video. Guess what. Actually being in Venice, you feel like you are James Bond or Madonna! And exotic beaches? The water is so clear and the color so mesmerizing that you will think twice about only vacationing in Florida. Once an experience is lived, it’s savored in the mind. Coax yourself to shake it up again and again. Go on new journeys and then bask in the glory when you succeed. Erotic adventures require active engagement and intent. Visit musings to ignite your curiosity.
  3. You aren’t sure where to start. Could the meal be even better? Connoisseurs and curious minds love to ponder. Have you wondered if a touch of lime zest or a pinch of sugar might substantially improve that sauce from last night? If we tried sex with no ending dessert in mind, might the experience be richer and more complex? There are no definitive answers. Each body is different, each mind is different, each relationship is different. You aren’t gonna be a hot, sensual man or woman overnight. The lessons need to marinade and simmer on low. My teaser book reviews and essays present ideas on how and where to expand your mind on matters of sex and sensuality.

Trust me. Sex is one of life’s greatest joys. Once you excel at it, it gets to be even more fun – just like cooking, eating, drinking and traveling.

Read, play, subscribe (*winkwink*). And let your mood and new mindset guide you into total sensual bliss.


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