Here at The Sensualogist we are more about the sensual mind-body connection than specific how-to techniques, but this image is inspiring, right? A man who knows how to shake it up, position wise, certainly gets extra points with me! ; )
During my three-hour awakening lovefest with Gary, the man I knew intimately in the days before my imminent divorce, we tried ten or more positions and activities – most of them totally new to me. The next day, realization of how incredibly naïve, boring, and unconnected my husband and I had been hit me, and inspired me to get reading and catch up ASAP on what I had missed during the last 20 years! Yikes.
The Multi-Orgasmic Couple by Chia and Abrams was my first guide, and remains one of my favorites. I devoured it many times, testing and trying to memorize its teachings and actually orgasm more often and strongly. Illustrated guides cover stroking, massage, fingering, thrusting, and oral methods for both men and women. Besides techniques, they also consider “making real love” and connecting “love and lust”. Mature readers know this is key, and I hope younger readers are here to also absorb this mantra as well as The Sensualogist mindset. Seeing my copy’s tattered and soiled pages reminds me of the days that this was my bible in learning how to share and enjoy my body.
How To Be a Great Lover: Girlfriend-to-Girlfriend Totally Explicit Techniques by Lou Paget is another great read. It’s more about pleasing HIM, but when you are new at foreplay and ‘extras’ (not just intercourse) all tips are welcome. Very few of us have girlfriends, or any friends, who feel free enough to sketch or act out these important skills, details and techniques. This missing link is also what inspired me to be sharing my sexual journey via the Sensualogist! I didn’t realize how clueless I was and lacking in erotic intelligence. There was no way that I could have learned how to be sexual or sensual from my friends. It was all too intimate a subject to talk about, and Cosmo tips seem like misguided fad diets to me.
Body centered sex guides are great roadmaps to innovative and technically ‘better’ sex. Besides these illustrated manuals, searching sex positions online might also get you some new insights – or check the classic Kama Sutra teachings. As a refresher these tools work beautifully (and much better than actors in porn) to get you inspired, playful, and in the mood. A map always helps you get to your destination, but remember to enjoy the ride and take some side roads and off-road trips too! ; )
To learn more about these books and other recommendations, visit the bookshop.