I felt betrayed and tricked. Had I really allowed myself to have virtual sex with a complete stranger? Why did I feel so empty when we had ended our text chat so happy? For me sex involves mind and body. The excitement of a date, meeting for the first time to see the sparkle and the feel the chemistry. And those luscious guilty kisses we spoke of? They would never happen. Was it still sex even if we didn’t use Skype? If we didn’t even meet? Was my virtual lover really fulfilled without my touch? Was flattery and being desired all he needed to get off? Sam, if you read this, can we do it again, but for real?
Apparently he had already had his way with me and the deed was done. The juices had been tapped and he was satiated and done with me.
“Cheesy pics? It gets worse: I’m also attached, in an open long distance relationship. I’m looking for physical and intellectual compatibility for disreputable fun without an endgame. Good drinks and conversation are included.” So says the intro of his online profile. The pics labeled as ‘cheesy’ of Sam’s torso were quite the attention grabber, even though great abs do very little for my libido and wetness level. Post grad studies, forty years old, 6 foot 2 and the promise of intellectual compatibility were what drew me in. Plus of course, the shadow of a head peeking thru sweats. That detail also helped seal the attraction. A man who knows how to tease with photos is a modern day Rembrandt to me. I like men who approach me first, and he did. I didn’t have to write a word. Minutes after I clicked the like button, Sam’s message popped up. Sam: Hi, a strange question, I know, but did you used to be on Lavalife back in the day? Vivi: Wow, that was over 7 years ago, but yes : ) Do u remember my handle? Did we meet? Sam: Never met. Chatted, I believe. (I was an Intimate Encounters denizen.) I had a bit of a distant crush, I think. Vivi: Oh cool : ) I loved the intimate encounters section.. That beautiful flirtatious vibe of IE. Your profile shows you have some of that sensibility still. And back then we were more into seductive words than penis pics, no? Sam: Ha. Well, yes – though I was always an exhibitionist. But I was one with a gift for the talk, so it all worked for me. (Alas, my abs weren’t quite so refined back then.) Sam: But I agree. Miss that. Could spend an evening having steamy, literate chat. Sam: I like a mixture of the visual with something substantial underneath. A personality. A world-view. Vivi: Good sex is complex …yet easy with the right minds …as u well know. Can u send me a pic of your face? Maybe it will spark a memory and a desire? : ) Sam: Good sex is deeply, unconsciously, psychological. The mind is most of it. How would you like me to send it? I doubt it will spark much, but always happy to refresh. Vivi: lol… So u are all abs and mind? Sam: Ha. No. Just realistic – no model. Vivi: Why would I want a model? Sam: Sent. Vivi: I don’t remember you, but your face is lovely : ) very kissable Sam: Thank you kindly Vivi: I am more into face pics than abs… and of course nice matching equipment. But I don’t like to view that before we meet. Sam: Then, as now, I think I banked on making up for that superficial aspect by being clever and charming. Sometimes I managed. Vivi: Clever and charming is everything to me, yet u do have a nice face : ) Should we meet for a drink sometime? Sam: (The other equipment does not disappoint either!) And thank you. A nice bit of nostalgia. Sam: I’d love to try to work something out! Flattered that you’re interested. Vivi: Maybe it’s that u still have flirt skills? I have the beginning of a massive crush : ) And these days, good men are often only available in polyamorous relationships. Sam: I will definitely drop you a line when I’m back in town Friday Vivi: Awesome… What’s your name? I’m Vivi of course Sam: Very kind of you! Sam: I’m Sam of course, Nice to meet you. And now to work out…Bye for now! Vivi: Byeee : ) Sam didn’t write on Friday, but he did pop up online Sunday. Close enough. Sam: Hey Vivi, how was your weekend? Vivi: Hi : ) I had a great weekend and a great workout, how was yours? Did you get a brain work out as well? Sam: Oh yes, 3 way workout Vivi: Brains, abs AND equipment? Lucky man ; ) Sam: Yep. The equipment being at least the equal of the brain and abs. Lucky man I am. Vivi: My equipment could use a workout lol Sam: Perhaps we can introduce them some day. Vivi: Sincerely hoping we are not just pen pals. You kept me up this weekend : ) Sam: Yeah? Hmmm. Anything in particular? Tell me more about your brain and its fantasies. As Sam’s profile noted many book preferences, we chatted with saucy details about our favorite erotic stories and authors. Sam kept me going, peppering every few lines of our conversation with “I can’t wait for the day our bodies can meet” and iterations of such. After around forty minutes of teasing and naughty innuendos, he proposed we meet on Thursday. And we would chat again tomorrow. He left me so excited I could barely fall asleep. Thursday morning came, with no word. I sent a quick note, checking if we were still on for tonight, but I was feeling queasy as I already knew the answer. For two weeks, I watched his daily online movement. Yes, it was sort of stalker like of me but I needed to know. Was he just a talker? Crickets. Radio silence. My fears were confirmed.