It was so wrong on so many levels. Vivi had no idea what was happening to her. Her panties said yes while the wheels in her head just spun in circles. All she was sure of is that Gary stirred up lots of chaos in her mind and millions of reasons to say no, no, maybe, no, and yesss. It’s not like Vivi even thought he was such a catch. In comparison to other contractors and builders, Gary was actually a bit of an airhead, though Vivi’s assistant begged to differ. “Damn is he hot – and so doable,” purred Linda the second Gary was out of site. “Really?” Vivi said. “Nice eyes and smile, but really?” “You are totally out of the loop boss if you aren’t gonna take advantage of that,” tsked Linda, shaking her head in disbelief. “Whatever,” Vivi giggled. “Maybe after the job is done I will reconsider,” she said knowing there was no way it was going to happen. But was it already happening? Every day that went by with Gary on site, she found more things about him that interested her. Vivi had put sex in the back of her mind for years, so it’s not like she was hot to trot. Her husband Bill adored her, but was never in the mood for anything but food, wine, and kissing Vivi gingerly on the top of her head. Vivi’s friends assured her it was the way married life goes after forty, especially with an older husband, and she had pretty much accepted her fate. But why was she so excited about getting to this particular job site every morning? Where did that skip in her step come from? No one could say Gary wasn’t attractive. He was young, easy on the eyes, and had a heart of gold. Vivi was fascinated how he could wrap every other female around his finger in seconds flat. Gary was the last person she should sleep with by far. “Totally inappropriate behavior for me to have a fling at work” Vivi reminded herself. He worked for her for god’s sake. She hired him and was responsible for his behavior and the results. Last thing she needed was for him to hold her hostage to his demands. By month two, Vivi really respected Gary and his skills. By month three, Vivi started thinking flirting could be fun. There was little risk as he would be gone when the job was done. Maybe some practice would be good for her? She was married, so what harm could come from some extra grins? Looking in the mirror, Vivi slyly said “Just chalk this up as the thrill of something that can never be.” In any case, Gary had a hot live-in girlfriend and was twelve years younger than Vivi. “He’s not available. Plus he couldn’t possibly be interested in me,” Vivi kept whispering to herself. Anything that appeared to be flirting was most likely just Gary buttering up his boss in hopes of getting a raise, or sliding by on one of his almost weekly construction or timing f*ck-ups. And Gary’s friends? His team members were all Black or Latino like him. Vivi heard them razzing Gary more than once about flirting with the boss who was way older and out of his league. Vivi always thought she related well to the gang. Was she really just considered to be the old white boss lady? If only they knew her. Would a tighter friendship with Gary make them change their minds about her?

Sure she felt some physical attraction… but the obstacles definitely enhanced the chase and the excitement.”

Vivi also felt a strange braveness around Gary. It was weirdly empowering how he started to actually listen to her wishes and worked harder to please her. When she and Gary were alone, the prohibited nature of their flirting made it feel so devilish and rewarding. Was is possible she liked Gary because she shouldn’t? Did she want to be with him because she couldn’t? He represented everything Vivi didn’t have: excitement, sex, freedom, and youth. She wondered if the sexual tension and desire building up in her was totally contingent on not being able to have Gary? Vivi hadn’t taken any risks with a man in over twenty years. The excitement was palpable. Vivi felt off-balance and uncertain, almost giddy like a teenager. Teetering on the edge between ecstasy and disaster. But was Vivi’s wild fantasy, bundled with restraint, totally contextual? Could it be that she loved the idea and transgression of this complex infatuation, but not actually Gary?