Setting the Erotic Mind in Action

Uncover the sparks that set sexual desire in motion

Issue #23

By Vivienne Arkell

For temptation to strike, it has to be triggered. How often do you start dancing before you hear the music? When you are at the beach or hiking, you don’t crave food until you see or smell it, right? The mind responds to prompts, cues, sparks, desires – whatever you want to call them.

Guys learn their sexual triggers early in life. In puberty, the penis pops up for boobs, buns, gams and sometimes other penises. They learn how to get off: it works, they repeat. Unfortunately, girls don’t have such a direct route from their genitals to their mind. Most women are a complex cocktail of things that spark the mind and excite the body.

Within a new relationship, everything is hot. But the female mind in a LTR can get easily distracted by responsibilities, routine or kids. Is it any wonder why most adult women don’t desire sex unless they condition themselves to see and think sensually or erotically? Most women remain receptive but need a spark to jump start desire. Sensations are often blocked until the mind joins in the game. Lusty sexual desire and libido will kick in only after seductive and stimulating cues.

But how does the erotic mind tease out an arousal? Start your personal trigger list using some of the cornerstones of eroticism outlined by Jack Morin PhD in his book, The Erotic Mind. Think back when you were always in the mood. When your body was switched on. What did temptation and lust mean for you? Look deeply into your favorite past erotic experiences. For each one, take notes on the dynamics of the situation regarding:

 Longing and Anticipation. Why do so many women love romance novels? It’s because the formula of the dating game and the hunt of seduction work. Early in the morning, way before your hot dinner date, you start fantasizing about the scene. You anticipate that tonight will be like the last time you were together; he will charm you with compliments and clever banter. You can still imagine how he desired you – your curves teasing him in lingerie and tempting high heels. He will kiss you passionately and do everything in his power to seduce and bed you. You will not be able to resist. If you and your partner no longer do this, simply re-start this game.

Violating Prohibitions. Remember how exciting it was to kiss in the car? The risk of getting caught or having sex in public is high on many people’s turn-on list. Do your religious beliefs make you feel guilty of sex out of marriage or certain wild behaviors that good girls don’t do? Is he too old, too young, or not what your parents had in mind? Incorporate a few things you find taboo or naughty on your ‘temptations’ list.

Searching for Power. Subliminal messages from deep in our minds often make for the best fantasies or triggers. How often do you hear of couples having great sex after an argument? Imagine your feelings while negotiating for the upper hand or being forced or coerced into something you don’t think you want to do. Risk the unfamiliar. Let him have his way with you while you struggle to say no. Or imagine yourself in charge and being the sole object of your partner’s desires and actions. Don’t block your own mental fantasies, no matter how far they are from what you would actually do in reality.

Whether your triggers are pure, naughty, or both, savor each magical spark. Fuel the lusty mind with partners that are rough and dangerous, or suave and passionate. Condition yourself with explicit stories and tempting erotic themes. Play them out loud or only privately in your mind. Let the music and lyrics trigger and spark desire, making your naked dance another one to remember.

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