Make Your Partner a Better Lover

Cultivating a sensual connection

Issue #39

By Vivienne Arkell

“Great lovers aren’t born; great lovers are made.” While unclear who originated this saying, it’s a classic quote and true for runners, chefs, and other champions. So after brushing up on technique and technical skills (we suggest Jaiya and Jon Hanauer’s Red Hot Touch, Chia and Chia’s The Multi-Orgasmic Couple, and Ian Kerner’s She Comes First or Passionista), how do you transfer this enlightenment to your new lover or unsuspecting partner?

Set the pace. As women, we inherently know all good things in life and sex take time. If you want it done your way, lead by example. Touch your partner’s body intimately, slowly and lovingly. Remember, there is no goal and ample time has been set aside to just hang out comfortably dressed or naked. Demonstrate how he can follow your lead by touching your face, neck, tummy and beyond – when you are ready.

Compliment your lover. Remember the energy and excitement in new relationships? When everything your new love does makes you grateful and thinking thank you? Reward a delicious touch with ‘mmm’ or ‘that feels amazing.’ We all love to be appreciated and rewarded for our efforts and generosity. It makes us want to repeat behaviors and get another carrot (or sensual kiss).

Communicate verbally and non-verbally. Most men don’t like to ask for directions, right? In a soft, slightly naughty tone of voice, remind your lover how you adore their tongue flicking softly on your pink parts. Playfully or coyly ask if the way you are stroking him is pleasurable. Communication should be a two-way street. Start the flow of reinforcing signals and clear signs of approval. This way you will both know what’s working and gain confidence.

Cultivate openness. The bedroom and naked time should be a safe place for both of you. Intimacy and true connection happen when both parties are open and mirroring their thoughts and emotions. It might not be easy to arrive in that safe zone, but it’s key to cultivating sensitivity, as well as exceptional sensual and sexual energy between two lovers. When this comfort zone is created, you will both be eager to meet there again and often.

Lead gently and slowly to get the most from your partner. Compliment, communicate, and create a safe space for intimacy to develop. Swim freely yet together. The connection between you two will make for awesome loving and sensual pleasure.

Check out The Sensualogist bookshop for these four books and more.


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