Bernie Zilbergeld’s classic, The New Male Sexuality might have been written primarily for men, but it contains some amazing truths. The Sensualogist has always been an enthusiast for ‘let’s just get naked and see what happens.’ And although Zilbergeld doesn’t name this model, it revolves around people interacting and just not genitals.

The goals of this intimate model of sex are pleasure, closeness, and self-and-partner enhancement, not performance or conquest.”

Zilbergeld adds:

“The more you accept the idea that there are many ways to give and receive sexual pleasure, the erections, intercourse, and even orgasm are nice but not necessary, the more frequent and better sex you will have.”

Certainly Zilbergeld isn’t saying you can’t go big, wild, or achieve orgasm. But taking a specific end goal out of the equation relieves pressure for both parties.

“It’s more enjoyable because it’s understood that pleasure rather than performance or obligation is the goal; you don’t have to do anything and there’s permission to be yourself and get what you want and need.”

Continuing he says,

“You can be loving, playful, silly, lusty, or whatever else you want. You can have affection without sex, sex with or without affection, or none of the above.”

Lingering on sensations is a great way to spend sensual time. Touching, openness and sharing your body are key to developing a varied ‘menu’ of sexual pleasures.

Starting sensual episodes without the idea of a fairytale dual orgasm finale leads to freer, exciting and rewarding sexual adventures. Appreciate individual moments.

Just being together and sharing naked time for exploration – traveling and playing without much direction – can lead to some incredible journeys and memories.

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