The Mystery of Female Lust

Unlocking erotic desire

Issue #22

By Vivienne Arkell

Often it’s assumed we have sex because we are in love or hormonally horny, but what really influences and shapes our sexual behavior? “At any age, the mystery of female lust doesn’t reside in the body alone or merely in our chemistry,” notes Laurie Watson, author of Wanting Sex Again. “Desire is tangled in our minds, our memories, our fantasies, our upbringing, our relationships, our shame, our exaltation, our connection to our partner, as well as the breathing space between us.”

Lust and erotic desire revolve around a craving for sexual pleasure. Female lust often gets a bad rap in today’s society. Perhaps this is because lust can and often exists without love? Or because it seems selfish and primal? Maybe because the idea of “the erotic mind conjures up images of debauchery as well as delight,” says Jack Morin PhD, author of The Erotic Mind. Things we don’t fully understand are often just presumed bad for us. Morin confirms that, “the most rewarding and powerful secrets of eroticism are elusive, highly individualistic and difficult to quantify. To make sense of it we must cultivate a whole new way of perceiving.” Morin adds:

Eroticism can best be understood as the multifaceted process through which our innate capacity for arousal is shaped, focused, suppressed and expressed. We’re born sensuous and sexual but we become erotic as we receive both overt and subtle messages about ourselves…”

To unlock these inner sources of passion and lust, one must embrace the paradoxical perspective of erotic life. Morin reminds us “anything that inhibits arousal – including anxiety or guilt – can, under different circumstances amplify it.”

Take a minute to think about your most energized, passionate and erotic moments. Was your partner just an acquaintance or were you in a relationship? Had you waited a long time or anticipated this perfect event? Did the peak turn-on involve positive responses like freedom, security, and closeness? Or was it an act of defiance and the thrill was breaking the rules in the backseat of a car. Perhaps your peak arousal was during a fantasy involving more negative emotions like fear, gilt or revenge. Most likely, many types of emotions commingled to produce the excitement. Morin points out that “only when we see both the positive and negative expressions of our lusty impulses can we truly appreciate… all the ways lust can add richness and zest to life.”

Eros, attractions and lustful cravings are inspired by the entire scope of human experience and drama, especially from unruly impulses and difficult life lessons. As you take a deeper look, you understand their integral part in maintaining sexual desire. When lust is allowed, whether connected to love or not, it is amazingly powerful in creating intimacy.

The absence of desire is women’s most common sexual complaint. It’s no wonder, as female erotic arousal will always remain one of the most mysterious and personal facets of human behavior. New awareness of the nuances of an erotic mind can inspire you to explore deeper towards unlocking the inner sources of sexual passion and fulfillment in your life.

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