Embracing the Cougar Vibe

Give yourself permission to indulge

Issue #27

By Vivienne Arkell

Ignore the terminology, indulge in the experience and sentiment: a sexy feline exuding beauty and grace. Pan to the scene and storyline as a torrid change has rocked your world – maybe a divorce, break-up or mid-life crisis throws you back into the dating game, unprepared. Help!

OK maybe your story isn’t that dramatic, but many women in their forties and fifties experience nature’s wake-up call. Even if women aren’t actively looking for new love or sexual adventures, life and hormones have a way of reminding us that the clock is ticking. When the body sends hints, the mind can be easily coaxed to satisfy those urges. At 42, my inspiration and impulse came as a surprise in the form of a man twelve years my junior. I was not so comfortable with it at the time, but I now welcome advances from any man over 30. And you can too. ; )

Cougar, WHIP, and MILF are all such loathsome terms for a great renewal moment in our sexual lives or the opportunity of dating a younger man. When I accidentally and reluctantly succumbed, giving myself permission against girlfriends’ advice, I became a newly sensual woman.

So what is the cougar vibe? My lovers say it’s when a woman finally owns her sexuality. Here are some more thoughts on characteristics:

· No guilt or shame to go after what you want. Most likely you are not looking to immediately settle down again, so the typical rules for choosing a mate do not apply. Men date younger so why shouldn’t women? Pick someone who immediately turns you on. If they are flirty, respectful and can form a sentence, go for the make-out session and anything else that moves you.

· Confidence even though your body might jiggle. Who’s looking! Play up your best feature whether it’s your face, breasts, legs, buns, or filthy language. The young are easily distracted and easily excited (as are most men).

· Willingness and openness to experiment with new pleasures. The older woman can focus on the sensory and not get caught up with posing or what her lover thinks of possible grimaces and moans. She can experiment without embarrassment when her date is less experienced. Younger men are appreciative, enthusiastic, and like subtle hints on what to do next or what pleases their hot date.

·Playfulness as a main impulse is key. Notice I have avoided the word mature? Often women have been ‘stuck’ in caretaker roles and feel they must continue. While personal responsibility is a needed trait, maturity is not. Isn’t jaded apathy and boredom what we need to avoid? This is your chance to act like a kid again. Remember innocence and euphoria. Mmmm.

Embrace your impulses and youthful inspiration. Give your body and mind permission to indulge and renew your sexuality. When you are fun and fairly confident, the world is yours. Maybe a cougar confidence boost will help in your search for a long-term partner? Or perhaps with new enlightenment, you will freely permit yourself to enjoy sex without constraints or restrictions, age or otherwise.


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