By the time Kat reached eighteen, she loved to let loose and drive on the open road. There was comfort food, some fast n’ wild cars, and occasionally her own tune-up. ; ) She and I shared some incredible adventures, but her stories always took the prize.
Kat didn’t really zoom around too crazily. She was a defensive driver, cautious of her health and never putting others at risk. But when the speed limits changed in college, Kat went berserk.
“Vivi, these new rules are killin’ me!” She moaned, adding, “I need to be in the fast lane, don’t you?”
We both agreed that the new restraints really cramped our style. Our freedom took a huge hit. We liked being a bit fast with no worries about tickets, reprimands or repercussions.
“I can’t drive 55!” Screamed Kat as we ignored the rules again. Our hair blowing, Sammy Hagar blasting on the radio – we were pre-Thelma and Louise crusaders flaunting their independence.
“The sex was good but not life changing Vivi,” she would often confess to me. Rarely did her drives end up in crazy wild liaisons that she would remember for years. But I knew her flings and encounters were exactly what she needed, leaving her full of endorphins and that warm fuzzy safe feeling from connecting. Being physically dependent on another was what we both needed and desired. Both drivers, traveling together, soothing each other emotionally on their journey. It was predictable pleasure, comfortably interdependent.
Looking back, Kat never went in seeking a classic relationship. I think that was her forte and why she had such an amazing aura. I’m sure at that tender age she secretly wanted validation that she was worthy of a steady. Yet it amazed me how Kat could relish and relinquish with such aplomb. Her drives were so much deeper than a simple trip. She was building. It was a practice where sensual connection ruled her world. Freedom lived in her heart.
Once in a while I would see her try to hold onto a drive, holding the wheel so tightly. She struggled with her lover’s desire towards independence and her desires to become closer to at least risk freedom, however momentarily. But the connection and the desire to slow down wasn’t strong enough to keep her from her journey.
And sometimes, Kat did actually drive for escape, with a touch of recklessness. Running fast and furious with the wild ones? She knew it could be dangerous. Predictably the resulting encounter would be a hit and run, gently bruising the ego, but not enough to keep her off the road.
Even now, Kat and I take occasional ‘road trips.’ Sex for us means independence through interdependence. Our drives tend to be spiritual journeys, not about ego or power. We rarely drive away from anything. It’s more like driving into things. The desire for new connections with fellow journeyers enriches us, our flow.
We always end up feeling free – expressing freedom by moving towards life, people, and intimacy.
Crashing into love and life, full speed ahead.
Image credit: Photo by Justin Lawrence
