Impure Impulses

Issue #34

By Vivienne Arkell

She had been to the front bar at NYC’s elite Nobu multiple times before but rarely without a pre-game drink or bump of coke. This time her date was counting on her to be like him – drug and booze free – so Krissy acquiesced, for the moment. She could always find a sponsor for candy, mid-way through dinner, on the way to the ladies’ room.

Krissy reveled in being a rebel and freethinker, always teetering on the edge of being exposed. The seduction of her prey channeled all her anxiety and transformed it into arousal. A deep-rooted obsession for attention made for thrillingly dangerous liaisons every time. Lubricated with alcohol, violating sexual prohibitions and thumbing her nose at Catholic guilt fueled her delicate relationship between excitement and anxiety. Would she get caught and punished? How much would suitors reward her for such sexual freedom and abandon.

The same risk that energized Krissy on the trading floor ignited her adrenalin and vices as she conquered men for money and power. Growing up with four sisters, she knew how to compete for a man’s attention. Her gift was seducing men, easily and always. Even the wildest of sexual fantasies wouldn’t take most gals to the places Krissy had been.

Craig, a high school buddy, had always lusted after Krissy. He was a great sponsor for dinner and living quarters, but his current substance-free state left him awkward in bed. They weren’t playing with the same (deck of) cards. Krissy was an accomplished pleaser; Craig had never really learned the moves.

Technically speaking, Krissy herself was more a sexualist than sensualist. She rarely could relax into comfy sensual touch and cuddling. And the absence of substances wasn’t helping her libido either. After years of therapy in the family, she understood the messy facts. Disruptive emotions were her prime turn-ons. That’s if you discounted self-doubt and need for attention. She was in her late forties: sporty, smart, and hot. Yet her tainted past made everything complicated for Krissy. The negative emotions, that she could most readily access while drinking and seducing men, ignited her libido. She often escaped Craig’s apartment after dinner to conquer a new wealthy, successful man and feed her insatiable appetite for sex.

The imminent break from Craig presented Krissy with an island vacation and a new situation. But why did the only man she found attractive also have Craig’s need for frequent AA meetings? At least her new guy Neil didn’t make her comply. And such a fresh location made it easy for Krissy to hide her hidden sex life, with its emotional obstacles, and concentrate on wooing this new wealthy stud.

But somehow Neil seemed uninterested in sex with Krissy. He loved sports and sailing with her and listening to her stories. He held and kissed her passionately but refused most of her advances, hinting he wanted to move slowly. Could she live without the risky sex she knew and loved? She was reassured when men adored and valued her as a sex object. Would his sexual emotions and fantasies ever be compatible with hers? How could Krissy relax and be lovey-dovey, when it was the exploitation that turned her on.

Neil fell hard in the weeks they were together, even brushing off Krissy’s constant sexual advances. Could Krissy accept his love as real? Could she forget performance and be aroused by Neil’s smile, enjoying his warm touch and affection?

Perhaps Neil was just cuddly enough and showered her with so much appreciation. He helped her add new self-affirming emotions to her repertoire. They agreed to inspire each other with trust and love. Fingers crossed.


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