Do you ever wish for a magical aphrodisiac that would make sex consistently as awesome as other amazing sensual encounters? Look no further than your fantasies for the trigger to spark desire. Maybe you don’t fantasize about sex? Remember that everyone has personal cues – all you have to do is reflect on memorable turn-ons.
Jack Morin PhD, author of page-turner The Erotic Mind, promotes using peak sensual experiences and fantasies as tools of self discovery. Morin emphasizes that “strong attractions and impulses often involve fantasy projections.” Some of these sparks are as simple as getting visually turned on by twinkly eyes or a great tush. Others originate, and can be rekindled, by thinking back on key sexual memories and emotions from one’s past.
Morin first addresses setting the erotic mind in action through self-awareness and attention to personal triggers. Part two begins to examine the dilemmas of erotic life and libido, with Morin capsulizing the elusiveness of sex drive:
Desire is a totally subjective state combining biochemical influences, memories of past sex, visualizations of future possibilities, and a predilection for attending to and interpreting everyday events in an erotic way.
Visualizations and erotic interpretations are classified as fantasies, usually rich with emotional aphrodisiacs. Often there are ‘Core Erotic Themes’ that play out like scripts, offering important information about our internal buttons. In Morin’s findings, the most frequent erotic emotions include exuberance, satisfaction, and closeness, along with anxiety, guilt and anger.
What about the contradictory nature of passion and erotic life? Morin reminds us “anything that inhibits arousal – including anxiety and guilt – can, under different circumstances amplify it. While you might be stimulated by thoughts of being watched, your lover might feel self-conscious until absolute privacy is restored.” Morin continues, urging lovers to imagine and explore this script’s “exciting undercurrents of nervous uncertainty or naughty guilt.” Embrace the erotic and your sexuality to “retain the image of the voyeuristic neighbor in the back of your mind as an aphrodisiac. “When understood and accepted, disruptive emotions can make sex even hotter. Messy emotions, attached to prohibited behaviors, can turn taboo desires into spicy aphrodisiacs.”
By getting in touch with fantasies and your emotional turn-ons, Morin emphasizes that you’ll “discover new avenues to pleasure, and your sexual repertoire naturally expands to accommodate them.” Integrating changes in your sexual persona within a couple might be uncomfortable. Yet using insights and emotions as motivators for change, rather than actually acting out every sexual taboo or fantasy, can keep the passion alive.
There’s no reason to suppress your deeper desires and turn-ons. Use the full range of emotions attached to core fantasies to keep that libido thriving, as well as your love life.