Tonight, the sunset is begging me to get off the dock and explore. On a fall or spring eve the same rays of light could easily coax me to drift simply into introspection and bonding with the universe. Maybe I’d even feel alone, and a touch lost. Yet there was something about the sun’s glow, on this warm June night, that awakened my soul and is urging me to look for adventure.
Unclear which past experiences are inspiring me, all I’m sure of is how I really don’t want to be an adult tonight. The shifting of everyday life into the erotic can be so cumbersome. Tasks, rules, self-discipline and demands hover like clouds blocking rays of sensuality.
With the sun on the horizon, my emotions are flowing. I’m remembering summer mode and the mixed scents of baby oil and aloe cooling off my tingling thighs. Listening to the waves clap softly against the shore while the insects hum along, I revel how everything in nature is interconnected. Since school was over, we could stay out later allowing for brief encounters with the opposite sex. Did I long for the late-night fishing expeditions with beers, eager to show off tan lines or quench the passionate needs of my flesh? Perhaps I reminisce about the times when necking was OK to do with almost anyone. And when very few worried if your make-out partner was going to be a doctor, farmer, plumber, or able to complete you intellectually.
Deliciously bored, I could find pleasure in the tiniest of revelations. Even solitude and sad moments seemed to evolve into grand new adventures. In youth, we allowed the urges and juices to flow and embraced the moment with innocence and lusty childlike pleasure. Every discovery was assessed with each of the five senses.
To paraphrase philosopher Alain de Botton, sex also requires this expansiveness, imagination, wonder, and playfulness … and the exclusion of routine, regulation and self-restraint. I wish to express myself freely with youthful experimentation. I realize what I’m feeling deep within is the basic and natural urge for a new sexual, or at least sensual encounter.
Tonight, I need to remain in this luscious state and free myself to the wonders of adventure. I want an experience that includes all of the above. Desire, in summer mode.
P.S. Vivienne is on summer sabbatical and will be back in the fall…