On the Cusp

Issue #43

By Vivienne Arkell

So there I lay pondering my New Year’s sexual intentions and desires.

Writing to my cherished readers and a bit pensive myself, single with an empty bed – and lots of questions. So much for the clean slate of my connoisseur’s wisdom to pass on about the beauty and awesomeness of staying open and sensual even at a certain age. I guess the universe had new intensions for me until I was clear with my own?

A cusp can be such an uncomfortable place to be. But I guess points of transition usually are as I’m balancing on the cusp of deep intension and casual, safety and risk, love and lust. On these cusps there’s also a sensual and passionate place. Riding the cusp can be fun and exciting; yet clear commitments too can help you fly, flow, and sail – together. Committed relationship versus passionate romance. Blending our need for both can be messy. Hmmm. Can we create a long-term love affair with both please?

Being on the borderline, breaking point, or indecision, missing adventure while crossing two philosophies – this is where passion must intervene and decide for me, because intellect just can’t. 

Reminiscing back to this year’s favorite moment, my dark eyed lover came to mind. He starred as my clean slate partner for summer, in “The Pleasure Principle.” (What a coincidence!) He was certainly ideal when leading with our bodies, listening and awakening those urges. Confidence and appetite were both fed even in my middle-aged body, honoring its wishes for carnal pleasure and extreme satisfaction. I was his mermaid and he was my lifeguard. Swimming had never been so exhilarating. Did our carefree ways make our friendship seem less real, less serious? Is this a year where I should start to lead with my heart, instead of my senses and body? How do we mix youthful thrills and adventure with deep adult love anyway?

Oh the cusp, the edge, the verge of… I will still share my body openly, but maybe this year it’s time to also clarify some intentions with the people closest to my heart. With love, <3 Vivi.


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