My editor called immediately upon receiving the first draft. “Vivi, as The Sensualogist and designated goddess, you really want to go straight to the takeaways? Aren’t you going to seduce us with what makes one a great lover?” Her words pleaded for me to reconsider. Admittedly, my approach sometimes made sexy sentiments a tad informational. But isn’t that what I’m here for? To learn and share in a way that’s open and vulnerable, yet backed up by empirical evidence and personal results? “Just this time,” she laughed. I could see her head shaking right to left as she let it slide with minor tweaks.
Admittedly, being just a sexual partner is easy. It only takes a healthy libido. Yet to be considered a good lover? Obviously some practice and fluid moves are required, but more of the mastery lies in the mental and soulful aspects. Mind and energy clearly surpass technical prowess. So here it is as promised: How to seduce yourself into goddess-ness.
5. Resting sensual mode. It’s why you are here – reading and enhancing your practice of sensuality. Through embodiment and connection with yourself, you know what pleases you physically. You have done your homework, so you know exactly how and where touch excites you. Now slip into your best version of sensual openness and warmth.
4. Cultivating desire. It starts outside the bedroom. You flirt with your sweetie. You send fun texts or leave naughty notes at breakfast. Planning dates and time for escape need to be carved out in the weekly schedule. You compliment his touches and encourage mini-advances as buildup. You love even the idea of naked time.
3.Unguarded slow time. When you two are alone, for the hour or so blocked out, there are no phones, no distractions. It’s a safety zone where you can be yourselves to communicate desires both verbally and physically. The welcome party continues and full body touching rules.
2. Abandon and confidence. There’s no need to hold back as you have established intimacy and openness. Creativity, erotic adventures and trust ensue. Fantasies and desires are set free to bring you closer and open up each other to vulnerabilities.
1. Enthusiasm. Be into it. There is nothing sexier than owning your pleasure and that of your partner. Praise your lover with small compliments. Be grateful for the feelings of connection and romance. Stay in the moment and happy for the gift of sharing. Going a bit out of your way, to excite and express, often delivers great returns and results – enhancing their confidence and desire to please you.
How are great lovers created? With mind, body and soul all working in tandem. Add the thoughts and actions outlined in making your partner a better lover and the two of you will be in sync. As both a lover and lovee, remember to review as needed to keep the sparks flying!
Image: detail of Alexandre Cabanel’s “Birth of Venus” c. 1863