Onward to Sexually Woke

Boldly discovering your true sexual nature

Issue #49

By Vivienne Arkell

Deep into details for The Sensualogist’s Awaken guide, I’m amazed at how far sexual awareness and communications have come. The amount of information and options are mind-boggling; and yet it seems women are as mystified as ever when it comes to their sensual needs and desires.

Perhaps it’s because these days it’s not enough to just be cognizant and present. We are pushed to be hyper-aware and truly woke: digesting how racism, sexism, and classism affects our daily lives and sexuality. Yet if we honestly want to make deep changes in our sex lives, radical moves are needed at home too. Perhaps the television adaptation of “The Handmaiden’s Tale” has ignited feminist risings? The realistic portrayal of powerful men, taking away women’s education and sexual rights, is deeply disturbing. These revelations create confusion and I could expound for hours. But as always, I’ll try to stay focused, savory, and digestible.

The first step to sexual agency and personal discovery is removing any shame or judgement. The world has changed drastically since the 1950’s with women reclaiming equal rights, even when it comes to intimate pleasures. Discover yourself first through liberation of the mind. Step away from roles that were created to repress your individual voice and limit sexual expression. Perhaps it’s time to set aside being the passive wife or innocent mom and write your own frisky, modern roles? Partners are in this activity together and each participant should be in control of their own bodily powers. My proudest sexual milestone came when I stopped judging myself as slutty or naughty for openly sharing my body. Besides, these terms are very powerful when repurposed in a positive light.

After you have decided to embrace sensuality with a newly liberated and open mind, any exploration will take you towards charting authentic sexual pleasure and what excites your body. A great exercise is to write about your core erotic experiences. What have you truly enjoyed in the past? What turns you on? Journal about encounters, sensations, and fantasies that you want to better understand. Rediscover your body and how it has changed with age or after children. It might take some work to excel again at orgasm and climax, but doesn’t everything worth doing take time to master? Jot down intentions to guide your experiences and inspire you. These help define your motives, desires and reflect on the continuum. Gain agency and own your pleasure like sex matters! Talk about it, make time for it, value it.

When your practice has grown and you’ve found your comfort zone, it might be time to indulge in some more daring pursuits. Routines rarely continue to excite those with a creative mind. Your sexual self is part of your identity just as your job, hobbies and upbringing. What level of adventure is really you?  Do your wildest desires have anything to do with your history or your ideals within the larger context of today’s world? Feminine dominance, kink, BDSM, non-monogamy and non-binary relations are less radical than once portrayed. Are you ready to be vulnerable and put your most intimate fantasies and explorations to the test?

Discovering your authentic sexual nature takes time and practice. All real discoveries are made by trial and error, often with lots of sweat and tears. Challenge and explore your sexuality fearlessly. Woke doesn’t mean subscribing to any agenda. It refers to continuing awareness – non-judgmental, embodied wisdom and caring. May we all continue to shoot for the moon, grounded in a place that’s sensual and heartfelt, while nourishing ourselves and the world around us.


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