Have a Sex Talk with Yourself

Your clues to sensual wisdom and enlightenment

Issue #36

By Vivienne Arkell

Tell me about the last time you had sex. Were you alone, with a new lover or your partner of many years? What made this encounter so exciting or so bland? What do you wish had happened differently? Start another note and jot down details of the first time you had great sex.

While I truly enjoy listening to anyone talk about sex (and would love to hear your stories : ) write us at info@thesensualogist.com!) I’m actually asking you to answer these questions for yourself. Get out your sensuality notebook or journal and describe the ten most memorable moments of that last encounter.

As you most likely deduced, practicing intelligent sexuality starts with information and the mind. Are you curious and creative? Set your erotic mind in motion. Here we go.

10. Did you ignore traditional roles and models and write your own rules? Where were you?

9. Were you speaking openly and sharing erotic desires? Creating your own scenarios and fantasies makes each experience richer. Was role-play or fantasy involved?

8. Were any of your erotic moves considered naughty? Did you violate prohibitions? Other people’s opinions should not concern you. Your sexuality is based on trust between you and your partner.

Being emotionally fluent without embarrassment or guilt is another key towards achieving sexual intelligence. Guru Deepak Chopra says “Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.” Emotions and intelligence mesh together during encounters, because it takes emotions to feel joyful tenderness or risqué naughtiness – then your brain to process the excitement and confirm all’s good.

7. Were you warmed up emotionally or mentally before you started touching?

6. Does your lover know your sexual triggers and how to use them?

5. What was the mood of this session?

4. Did touch and contact play the major role, or was the excitement accentuated by an emotion or fantasy?

Body awareness is the third aspect of author Marty Klein’s trinity for Sexual Intelligence. It’s super important to be comfortable in your own skin. Sensual touch is at the root of sexual pleasure. Learn and acknowledge where and how you like to be touched, sharing all sensations and details with your partner. Indulge in your own body’s pleasure as well as your partner’s.

3. What was the first point of body contact?

2. Did you feel sensual flow everywhere in your body or only your most sensitive parts?

1. Did you want more, or were you fulfilled and happy afterwards?

Now tally some results. Identify things you like and dislike. Do you enjoy and indulge in those mindsets, moods and actions every time? Write some new scenarios to act out using your favorite sexual triggers. Allow sex to reflect who you truly are. Let Sexual Intelligence open your mind to explore new ideas and new pleasures. Isn’t intelligence fun?


Discreetly sent
to your inbox

tips, reviews & steamy stories