“It’s good to be sharing your body,” said my mom softly.
These words, uttered by a highly religious, no sex-without-marriage woman born in 1930, were monumental. I finally felt not only listened to, but heard and understood.
As kids, we’re shameless, running naked and free, curiously experimenting and touching everything until we’re taught the rules. Parental and societal constraints are meant to keep us safe. Yet as an adult, are these ‘good girls don’t’ ideals truly necessary?
This discussion with Mom was only our second sex talk since I had shacked up with my eventual husband twenty years prior. In our first heart-to-heart, I lamented my imminent divorce due to many sexless years. This day, nearly a year later, the topic was my new lover and I glowed.
I think she could hear my questioning mind. I needed to share food, conversation, new experiences and my body… even if some of the recipients were only temporary romances. Why do we learn that love and sex need to be tied together? Sex makes love – love doesn’t create sex. It’s awesome to have both together, but often more love means less sex.
Mom finally understood my lack of concern over hiding my desires. She saw that I was ready to express myself freely. I accepted and relished my body’s needs, instead of depriving myself from exciting sensual pleasures. Few women of her generation were able to show this freedom. Even some in my generation can’t mentally cut loose. Sex is communication. Sex is like food: some good, some junk, some gourmet, others just for sustenance. Whether you love sex or the sex comes from a loving place, who’s to judge? Need it be so compartmentalized?
With these few beautiful words of insight and wisdom, she freed me of guilt and constraints. Mom gave me permission to share my body as I saw fit – to openly gift love and pleasure.
And perhaps Mom secretly knew that her openness would be the only way her daughter and future generations would be free from the clampdown on female sexual expression that she had endured. It was time she unshackled me from the rules of my youth that were meant to protect me. Society adheres to the doctrine that proper females disconnect and hide their sexuality. But now, knowing I was grown and ready to take the emotional risks involved in opening myself up and sharing my body freely, she understood I wanted her blessings. Maybe she too stands with many modern women, secretly wishing we were as free as men to share our bodies without judgement.
Writing as The Sensualogist, my vibe is about sharing and sometimes oversharing, always hopeful that my sexual awakenings, and their beautiful consequences, will inspire yours!
Savor yourself. Love life and connecting. Be eager to share your body and intimate womanly gifts.